Am I A White Trash Mom?

Today I'm participating in a SV Moms/Deep South Moms book club for the book The White Trash Mom Handbook. Basically, author and fellow Deep South Mom blogger Michelle Lamar uses this term to denote not socio-economic status or class, but a frame of mind and philosophy of motherhood. Meaning, if you're not a Perfect Mom, you're a White Trash Mom. Lamar offers strategies for coming to terms with your inner White Trash, including how to fake it for the school bake sale, getting the most "bang for your buck" when choosing school volunteering activities, a housecleaning guide for WTM's, and tips for dealing with "The Muffia" (i.e. the poser moms that want you to think they are perfect moms, only they aren't because there is no such thing).

But the topic that resonated the most with me is the chapter on "Your Children Will Be In Therapy...Get Used To It", specifically the section dealing with Momisms - things we say to our kids. This chapter recalls many old favorites that we heard from our own mothers, including the bits about:

• Cut it out right now or you will have to clean up your own blood when you break your head open
• No one is touching ANYONE in this house EVER again
• If you know what's good for you, you won't.....
• I am on my last nerve!
• You ruined this nice_______for your sister. I hope you're happy.
• And the infamous If I Have To Stop This Car One More Time....

This waltz down memory lane caused me to add a few to the list that I have found myself shouting to my kids in recent years...

• Get down here right now before I get to the count of three!
• Get your thumb out of your mouth.
• You're old enough to put your own shoes on.
• Hurry up! We're late!
• No, you may not have (fill in the blank junk food). You need to make healthy choices about the foods you put in your body.
• I AM ON THE PHONE! Go upstairs and I will call you when I am done!
• And the always infuriating (to kids) - "Because I am the mom and I said so!"
  

Here are a few uttered in recent months that I never in my wildest dreams imagined I would find myself saying in this lifetime:

• Do NOT touch your brother's penis - that is private to him!
• Don't you talk to me about Dustbusters ONE MORE TIME until you put your peepee in the potty! (Nope, not a typo - my oldest's potty training incentive was a Dustbuster, no joke).
• Butt is a potty word. If you want to say butt, you need to go in the bathroom. (Child retreats to bathroom, where I can hear him jumping up and down and saying, "butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt" repeatedly".)
  
• Listen, if your brother bit you and you bit him, then you're even Steven. Both of you, stop crying!
• If you sit still until we're done with Mommy's appointment, I will let you take a picture with my cell phone.
  
• If you wake up your brother, I will beat you!

Yep, I think it's safe to say that I'm in touch with my inner White Trash Mom. Anybody else with me on this?