But the topic that resonated the most with me is the chapter on "Your Children Will Be In Therapy...Get Used To It", specifically the section dealing with Momisms - things we say to our kids. This chapter recalls many old favorites that we heard from our own mothers, including the bits about:
- Cut it out right now or you will have to clean up your own blood when you break your head open
- No one is touching ANYONE in this house EVER again
- If you know what's good for you, you won't.....
- I am on my last nerve!
- You ruined this nice_______for your sister. I hope you're happy.
- And the infamous If I Have To Stop This Car One More Time....
- Get down here right now before I get to the count of three!
- Get your thumb out of your mouth.
- You're old enough to put your own shoes on.
- Hurry up! We're late!
- No, you may not have (fill in the blank junk food). You need to make healthy choices about the foods you put in your body.
- I AM ON THE PHONE! Go upstairs and I will call you when I am done!
- And the always infuriating (to kids) - "Because I am the mom and I said so!"
Here are a few uttered in recent months that I never in my wildest dreams imagined I would find myself saying in this lifetime:
- Do NOT touch your brother's penis - that is private to him!
- Don't you talk to me about Dustbusters ONE MORE TIME until you put your peepee in the potty! (Nope, not a typo - my oldest's potty training incentive was a Dustbuster, no joke).
- Butt is a potty word. If you want to say butt, you need to go in the bathroom. (Child retreats to bathroom, where I can hear him jumping up and down and saying, "butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt" repeatedly".)
- Listen, if your brother bit you and you bit him, then you're even Steven. Both of you, stop crying!
- If you sit still until we're done with Mommy's appointment, I will let you take a picture with my cell phone.
- If you wake up your brother, I will beat you!
Yep, I think it's safe to say that I'm in touch with my inner White Trash Mom. Anybody else with me on this?