My Three Sons

I know, I know, so I said we weren’t going to find out the sex of the baby in advance this time. But my husband (and practically everyone else I knew) made me absolutely bonkers by asking on a daily basis and I finally caved. After which, my husband felt bad and told me we really didn’t have to find out if I really didn’t want to, but the mental shift had already been made for me so it was too late.

As evidenced by the title of this post, it’s ANOTHER BOY!!!

Most people assume that I am desperate for a girl, since I have two boys already. Interestingly, this is not the case. Having grown up with two sisters (one of whom is ten years my junior), I feel kind of like I’ve already “done the girl thing”. I’ve attended scores of dance recitals, shopped for countless Christmas/Easter/Birthday/Prom/Formal dresses, and survived exposure to more rounds of PMS than I care to think about. But I’ve never been to a soccer game, saved money on haircuts by just going with a buzz in the summers, or been on the “let’s just be friends” end of a breakup before. I’m pretty excited about all of this. As a bonus, I never ever have to plan a wedding again – I simply perform the mother-of-the-groom duties by writing a check for the rehearsal dinner (which my future daughter in law will plan herself because she will be afraid I will mess it up), wearing beige, and shutting up. And probably, no one will even notice if I wear the same beige dress to all three weddings, so I can spend the cash saved on a really expensive handbag instead.

Aaron pointed out other benefits. We now have enough men in the family for a golf foursome and a two-on-two pickup game. Which means I will never have to play sports to even out the team and when they are older I can spend my weekends perusing the mall (in peace and quiet) while the boys play and watch whatever sports they want to with their father.

So far, these are the only cons I’ve thought of:

• I will have to listen to a lot of talk about sports. All the time. Forever.
• Some areas of my home will always be stinky. My own bedroom smells okay since the female/male ratio is balanced, but my boys are only 2 and 4 and their shared bedroom already smells like a mixture of sweaty socks, throw up, and rotting dead animals, even after a thorough cleaning.
• I will probably make a lot of trips to the emergency room and I should really get used to seeing blood and protruding broken bones now.
• I will need to take out a second mortgage to buy groceries when they are teenagers. We are already going through 2 loaves of bread, 2 gallons of milk, and a million boxes of cereal a week…
• I will need to take out a third mortgage (do these exist?) to pay my car insurance in about 12 years.

So yeah, I’m pretty excited. Except there is one last con – we have had so many boys, we are out of boy names. Currently accepting nominations…

It's Good to Be a Mom

Today was one of those rare days when parenting seemed almost easy. This was a blessing after a several week stretch of behavior so bad that several times, I came seriously close to looking into how young military schools would accept small boys.

It all started when Cade was campaigning (for the trillionth straight day in a row) for a booster seat as we loaded into the car this morning. He is desperate to move out of the carseat and into a "big boy" booster where he can use a "real" seatbelt. Since few things outside the realm of electronics actually excite or motivate him, I decided to seize the opportunity. He's been giving me a hard time lately with following directions, getting dressed, and cleaning up after himself, so I offered him a little deal. Dress yourself for the next week and cooperate during bath/bedtime and Mommy will buy you a big boy booster. He jumped on it.

At lunch time, we made a sticker chart so we could track his progress. And boy, did he progress! Not only did he get the AM and PM stickers I promised him for getting dressed nicely (AM) and doing bath/bed nicely (PM), he earned a bonus sticker for model behavior in between! What constitutes model behavior in our house? Well, behavior that other parents (i.e. those that have girls) probably consider every-day behavior. A few examples:

• In the morning, Cade brushed his teeth and put the toothbrush back in the holder, rather than flinging it down the hallway.
• When it was time to wash Big Lovey, Cade cheerfully threw him in the washer and helped me start it instead of screaming and crying on the floor next to the washer the entire time it was going.
• At the playground, he generously shared his Goldfish crackers with his friends by handing them to the friends, rather than standing at the top of the playscape and pouring them down on top of the friends, his usual style when "sharing" with his brother.
• When eating lunch, he ate all of his food (including the fruit!) and then put his plate in the sink instead of shuffleboarding it across the kitchen floor to see if he could knock his brother's plate (also discarded onto the floor) into the dining room.
• When waiting in line to order dinner at Chick-Fil-A (dad worked late, mom was too lazy to cook), he refrained from tackling the brownie display at the cash register and knocking brownies onto the floor while insisting he was entitled to a brownie.
• At bathtime, he did cave to the temptation to create a tsunami to wipe out the bathtub dinosaurs, but then promptly jumped out of the tub, apologized, and asked for a towel to wipe up the water on the floor.
• At bedtime, he politely listened to 4 books, closed his eyes, and went to sleep instead of delaying bedtime by an hour asking to peepee, drink water, keep the light on, or sleep in another room than his brother, insisting that "Drew smells like throw up."

As a bonus, what Aaron and I have suspected all along is true: left un-harassed and un-riled by Cade, Drew will actually also behave 99% of the time!

What can I say - this was my dream day. I don't dare hope that I see another one any time soon, but it was so great that one about every 4 years is enough to keep me going.

Entering the Age of Manipulation (Er...Innocence)

So today marks Cade's fourth birthday, which I can hardly believe. I started getting teary eyed last night, when Aaron remarked as Cade was going to bed, "Good night, three year old! When you wake up tomorrow, you'll be four!"

In preparation for turning four, Cade has experienced an explosion of skills in recent weeks, including becoming quite the conversationalist, learning how to dress himself (for the most part), and really trying to serve as a positive and helpful example for his potty training brother. Unfortunately, his bargaining and manipulation skills are developing quite quickly as well. A few cases in point:

In an effort to get the boys to help around the house with small chores we have developed a new chore and consequence system. If I ask the boys to say, pick up a toy as their chore, they must do that chore by the count of three (REAL count of three, not ongoing count of three) or lose a privilege. In order to earn that privilege back, they have to do THREE chores to make up for not doing the chore in the first place. A few days ago, Cade protested taking cars up to the playroom from the living room. He lost his privilege for TV the next day (it was already nighttime) and told me he wanted to take the three chores to earn it back. So I told him the first chore was to pick up his freaking cars and take them to the playroom! He was furious that his plan hadn't worked and told me he meant he wanted three DIFFERENT chores. Sorry, buddy - no dice.

To curb goofing off and getting out of bed at bedtime, we instituted a three consequence system for bedtime as well. Not to be outsmarted, the other night Cade sent Drew as his emissary to let us know that "Cade needs something." When we got upstairs, it turned out that Cade had simply "forgotten" which cup of water next to the bed was his and which was Drew's. Unwilling to risk punishment for getting out of bed, he sent Drew the Sacrificial Lamb on a parental-finding/bedtime stalling mission.

Cade's manipulation has gotten progressively more brazen and this morning, in celebration of his birthday, he kicked it into high gear. We popped into the drugstore to pick up a few items. His usual maneuver is to follow me around asking for assorted items, to which my response is always, "Not today." or "Put it on your birthday/Christmas list". Today's coveted item: a Sponge Bob Square Pants disposable camera, which he handed to me and said, "Can I get this mommy? I really, really want it!". Watching me draw a breath and prepare to refuse him, he sweetly said, "It's on my list because today is my birthday!". Leaving me little option but to cave - after all, you only turn four once.

Sassy As All Get Out

Cade, who has always had a sophisticated sense of humor, has been in rare form lately. He's finally reached the stage that most of his peers reached two years ago - that is to say, he never shuts up. For a boy who staged a speaking boycott for the first 3 1/2 years of his life, he now suddenly has something to say about EVERYTHING - usually with tongue in cheek humor. A few examples from the past few days:

On Valentine's Day, during a discussion about love and what it means:
Me: Don't you love mommy, Cade?
Cade: No.
Me: Why not?
Cade: Because I don't have a heart.

Cade and Drew acted like absolute beasts in a restaurant one night and as punishment, I told them we could not go to Chick-fil-A for lunch and play on the playground for the next week. This was on a Thursday. The next Tuesday, we had occassion to meet some friends at Chick-Fil-A (stupid mommy had long forgotten about the punishment). As we were pulling into the parking lot:
Cade: But mommy, we lost this privilege!
Me: Uh - that was last week. This is a new week. Mommy hopes you learned your lesson - do you think you can behave now!?

While chasing Cade down after bathtime to try to wrestle jammies on him:
Me: Cade, why are you so skinny?
Cade: Mommy, why are YOU so fat?

Arriving home after an entire morning at the circus where Cade scored third row seats, two free hats, a bag of cotton candy big enough to feed an entire circus, and even a few covert sips of diet coke.
Cade: So guys, what are we gonna do today?

While eating a snack after a trip to the grocery store:
Aaron: Cade - if you're going to eat those grapes, you need to wash them off first.
Cade: Are you JOKING me?

I seriously do not even want to THINK about what this kid will be like as a teenager - I'm exhausted already.

Mass Apology and Brief Update

I can't believe it has been 2 months since I last posted. I am totally embarassed since I know I USED to have readers (a number of friends comment to me that they read the blog), but they have probably all died off due to lack of activity by now. At least I know I can count on the grandmas to stick around. Maybe.

No, I did not go on strike to show support for the television writers. I have really only two excuses for my lameness/lack of posting:
1) the holidays kicked my butt this year
2) i am pregnant again and sick as a dog

Since the holidays kick every mom's butt every year, I won't dwell on that excuse. But I will beg off on the fact that with each pregnancy, I have endured an epidosode of morning sickness that I liken to a two-month long hangover. This one, unfortunately, is no different.

The good news is that I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I have now gone two straight days without gagging over the smell of my husband's coffee in the morning. Or the smell of my husband himself, which is normally quite freshly showered and pleasant, but for some reason repulses me when I am pregnant. So I think I'm coming out of it and making a renewed commitment to the blog.

I'm way behind on everything, not just the blog, so for anyone left reading, I'd like to make the following apologies:
-To all of you who are reading this because I talked about it in my Christmas letter, I'm sorry I haven't bothered to post since I sent the stupid letter out.
-To all family members, I'm sorry I haven't posted the Christmas pictures online yet.
-To all out of town friends, I'm sorry I haven't returned your phone calls for two months. I got overwhelmed by the high number of messages on the machine a few days ago and deleted them all without listening to them.
-To my youngest son's godparents, I'm sorry I haven't sent you a thank you note for the Christmas presents yet. The Magtastic set was a big hit - thank you! Thank you note on the way.
-To my co-workers - yes, I still work there. I'm sorry I quit returning emails after Christmas.
-To my in-town friends that made me dinner when I was so sick I couldn't stand the sight of food - thank you - my children would have been malnourished without you. Thank you notes on the way. Maybe.
-To my cousin - I'll send the cat's paperwork as soon as I can - I'm sorry it has taken me so long.
-To my sister Megan - I promise one day I will call you back.

I think that's it for now.

As for the update on what you've missed the past few months during my posting hiatus:

• As previously mentioned, pregnant with third (and we think, final) child. This morning sickness crap is for the birds. Beyond excited - due date August 8th - no, we are not finding out the sex this time!
• As outlined in Christmas letter, Aaron has accepted job offer in Atlanta, so looks like we will be hanging out here for awhile longer.
• Cade was excited about turning 4 in a few weeks until he learned he would have to quit sucking his thumb when he turned 4. Now he has decided to turn 3 again. For his birthday party this year he wants to "stay home and eat cake", which sounds great for him, but not so exciting for his party guests. We are revising the plan a little...
• Drew put his peepee in the potty 3 times. In two months. We're still working on it.
• Jocko has gone to live with aforementioned cousin (God bless her) - with another baby there will be no room for a cat.

It's amazing how two months of agony can be summed up in a few bullet points. Here's hoping I actually make it back to post again in the next few days...

Who Needs a Woman When You Have Mom?

It never ceases to amaze me how my children are at the opposite ends of the cleanliness spectrum. Cade wigs out of his hands are dirty, if there's junk on his face, or if his clothes are stained/torn/wet/fill in the blank. Drew, on the other hand, STILL drools enough to float a battleship at age 2 1/2 so his shirts are ALWAYS soaked, his face is always dirty, and his resistance to cleansing is so great that usually he either has eye booger, a snotty nose, or sticking up hair. I fear that he will be THAT kid in elementary school. You know - the one no one wants to sit next to because his nose is always running and his lunch is on his face.

Case in point: last night's dinner. Each boy ate the same exact meal - lasagna and a caesar salad. Cade escaped with just a few flecks of parmesan cheese on his sleeves, from when he spilled it on the table and then leaned into it. Drew - covered from head to toe in lasagna. We're talking face, hands, shirt, eyelashes, hair, EVERYWHERE. I stripped him down, gave him a mini bath at the table with 15 wet paper towels, and shook my head and said, "Drew - you're never gonna get a woman someday if you don't clean yourself up". Aaron laughed and said, "Yeah Drewbie - don't you ever want to find a woman?" Drew's response: "How about a truck instead?"

Cade, who overheard this conversation, came running back to sit in my lap and said, "I already have a woman, Daddy! It's Mommy!"

Boys DO love their moms. Deep, deep down inside.

When It Rains, It Pours

Logging on today after a long absence from the computer and a very rough week. My computer gave me the blue screen of death on Sunday and it has taken all week to get everything fixed up and back to normal. But I can honestly say that my week was not off to the greatest start even before then. On Saturday, I wasn't sure which was worse - that my clothes dryer ate a squirrel (yes, you read that correctly) or that my oldest son kicked me headfirst kicking and screaming into the world of sex ed.

It all started when my dryer just conked out. We called the repair man, who came and diagnosed a broken motor. Until he took off the back of the dryer to install it and found that a squirrel had crawled in through the vents and been hacked to death by the fans on the dryer. Nice.

On the bright side, it had happened fairly recently so at least the broken dryer spared us from having to discover this extremely retarded situation when we started smelling decomposing squirrel. AND it turns out that a few broken fans are a lot cheaper to replace than a motor. Best $100 I ever spent to spare myself from digging squirrel bits out of my dryer. Good Lord.

On to part two of this crappy day.

Of late, Cade has been afflicted by a major penis fascination. He seizes any opportunity to run around in his underwear so he can have easy access in case he gets an itch. He makes sure to inform us that he has to push "The Guy" down EVERY TIME he goes to the potty to make sure the peepee goes in the pot instead of spraying the bathroom. And after bath, he will run up and down the hall naked grabbing his crotch and screaming "I touch my penis!", inspiring his little brother to follow suit in a nightly Penis Jamboree.

As the lone female in a house full of males, I refuse to be intimidated by The Guy. I keep my cool. I repeat the instructions that while it's fine to touch The Guy, we need to go to the privacy of our own room to do it. I pride myself on my Non Reaction, since to date, this behavior has been strictly the get a rise out of me.

Until today, when Cade informed us (with hands in pants) - "Uh oh! My penis is getting bigger!"

Um. Dad - this one's for you. I've got a dead squirrel to deal with.